On letting go, leaving and moving on. My goodbye Chikka entry :’)
2011 has been one roller coaster of a year for me. I became single, rekindled old friendships, met new people, learned new programming things, took on “lead” responsibilities at work… but the big moment of my year was getting hired by another company and deciding to leave my first job. And there I was, a couple of months ago, thinking this year was “meh”.
Admittedly, I cried many times as I made this life changing decision. Chikka has been my second home since I left the Ateneo. As a fresh grad, they entrusted me with one of the most popular interfaces of their flagship product, and now, after two and a half years, they are starting to trust me with most of its core components. Mainly because, I must say, I have THE best mentor ever. Also, my teammates and other colleagues are made of awesome. The people I’ve worked with here are my dear friends. And as I always am with my affiliations, I have a lot of loyalty to this company.
So when somebody else offered me another job opportunity, the fact that I even considered it meant a lot. A year ago, when we were talking among ourselves, speculating who would be the staying at Chikka for a long time, I was a sure bet. I guess two and a half years was just enough for this job to be one that, in Rachel’s words, “I’ve pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can”. At least, as far as I can tell for now.
I am turning 24 next year. Definitely an adult in my mid-20’s now. I read somewhere that the mid-20’s is a time of leaving the “good enough” in search for the “can’t live without”. A pretty hard thing to do for someone who has never believed in letting go. But I have been able to do that this year in two important aspects of my life. Quarter life crisis? I guess. Personal growth? Definitely.
As my boss said, there’s no way to know if I have made the right decision until I’ve lived with it. And one of the things this year has taught me is that I shouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes. I also recognize that there might be a pitfall to the “can’t live without over good enough” thing I mentioned above. I need to be mindful of the things I leave behind, else I might spend my life searching for something I already had. Or could have had. Zen mode on.
Thinking about the things that held me back still makes me want bawl like a baby. But for now, I guess it is time for me to move on. Take what [I] need and be on [my] way and stop crying [my] heart out. I’m not really losing anything I have.
